Things I Never Got To Say
by BrucasFan1
Summary: One life will be lost. One murder will be uncovered. And, five friends will have to deal with the things they never got to say. Major BL but with others too. UD 8th August. LOTS of drama and angst. Please read!
1. My Best Friend, My Pretty Girl

**Author'sNote - Hey guys! I havnt posted a fic on here for a while coz I've been having trouble with my account but here's a new Brucas fic for you guys to take a look at. Everything should be explained throughout the story but if you have any questions, dont hesitate to ask. **

**Disclaimer - I dont own One Tree Hill or the characters, but the plotline is mine, mine, mine! **

**Enjoy x**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

They'd found happiness in each other.

But, what happens when tragedy repeats itself?

Will they help each other through the pain?

Or will they're friendships be lost forever?

Once the truth is out. There's no going back.

One life will be lost.

One murder will be uncovered.

And, five friends will have to deal with the things they never got to say.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**CHAPTER ONE - My Best Friend, My Pretty Girl**

**My name is Lucas Scott. I'm a writer living in Tree Hill. Tree Hill is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world. Maybe it's nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you. Or someone like me. If you're ridden with regret, getting your heart eaten by revenge and not sure how your going to deal with the loss of your best friend, then I'd say your world is a lot like mine. Today was supposed to be the best day of my life. But its amazing how things can change so quickly.  
Things that take 1 second - a breath, the blink of an eye. It also takes 1 second for a bullet to leave a gun and change your life forever. In that 1 second one life was lost, the life of Brooke Davis.**

"What can you tell me about your relationship with Daniel Scott?" the officer stood over me as he spoke

**Dan Scott is many things: the mayor of Tree Hill, the once great high school basketball player, and Nathan's father. He's also my father, but he never claimed me. Believe it or not, I got the better end of the deal. I was instead raised by my mom with the help of my Uncle Keith, until Keith's life was taken.**

"Dan Scott is bastard!" I replied, not angrily, not with any emotion. I'd given up on emotion when he'd taken away the one person I loved most in the world "Dan Scott abandoned my mother, shot my friend and made everyones life a living hell" not one tear formed in my eyes as I mentioned the father that could be dead for all I cared "He's taken someones life. Someone I care about. So, _why_ am I the one sitting in the police station being questioned?" I didn't raise my voice, I didn't have the energy

"When we entered the building, you were the one holding the gun Mr. Scott" the officer pulled on his belt as he spoke "That's why your being questioned. Now, you claim that you recently found that Daniel Scott had illegally let your uncle into Tree Hill High School on the day of his death-"

I interrupted him mid sentence "I don't _claim_ it. I _know_ it" I told him through gritted teeth

"Do you have any evidence that this is in fact the truth?"

**I didnt have any evidence that my monster of a father had been the one to put Keith in danger in that school, on that day. The only proof I did have was lost when Brooke's heart beat for the last time. When my heart went cold.**

"Mr. Scott" he asked, after a few seconds silence

"No" I answered under my breath "…Brooke" I felt a huge lump clog my throat as I tried to speak of my best friend, my pretty girl "…Brooke was the only one that knew what was going on"

"Let's talk about Miss. Davis" the officer sorted threw the papers in front of him, the papers that held all of Brooke's information, the information that I knew by heart without even having to glance down at the white sheets in front of him "I understand that you two were close?"

**'Close' wasn't even near to what me and Brooke were. She had come to know me better than anyone, better than I'd ever known myself. Sometimes it felt like it was only me and her left in the world, and it was at times like that when I was at my happiest. Sure, I had other people in my life who meant a lot to me, my mother Karen Roe, my brother Nathan Scott and his wife Haley James Scott, my good friend Peyton Sawyer and her husband Jake Jagelski; but somehow none of that meant anything to me if I didn't have Brooke by my side. She was always by my side.**

"Yeah we were" I replied. Not with tears in my eyes, or sadness in my voice. I hadnt greaved since she'd died, I hadnt known how too

"It says here that the two of you shared a house?" the officer questioned me with no amount of sympathy in the tone of his voice, or within the expression on his face…not that I wanted it anyway. I nodded in answer to his question "For the purpose of the tape Mr. Scott?"

"Yeah, we shared a house. She worked away in New York three months out of the year, the rest of time she lived in Tree Hill with me" I told him before grabbing a cigarette from the half empty packet in my trouser pocket. I wasn't a big smoker, I didn't even like to do it but I knew what was coming next, and I just felt like I needed something to relieve the stress that had built up inside of me

"Were you and Miss. Davis emotionally involved?" and there it was. The question that I'd been asked so many times I'd lost count.

**We should have been "emotionally involved". We were just getting to be "emotionally involved" again, for the third time. But, something had to go and ruin it. That something being the man that helped bring me into this world, only to tear that same world down from around me.**

"No" I answered in the only way I could

The officer; dressed in blue from head to toe, sat down in the seat across the table from me "Look, Mr. Scott, I understand that this is hard for you. But, the sooner you start telling me everything you know, the sooner you can get out of here and get back to your friends and family" I sniggered at the thought of "getting back to my friends and family". What friends and family? I barely had any friends or family left "When Miss. Davis came back from New York, did you notice anything strange about your father's behaviour? Was he acting hostile? Or was there any change in his character?"

"My father's character _is_ hostile!" I replied, with great sarcasm. Sarcasm that probably wasn't appropriate in this situation.

The officer shrugged off my attitude before continuing "Take yourself back to the day Miss. Davis came back from New York, Mr. Scott. Was there anything out of the ordinary about that day?"

_I glanced back and forth over the crowds that were beginning to cloud my view, crowds made up of couples coming back from vacation, and families reuniting. It was beginning to become a regular sight for me now, North Carolina airport. Every June 10th for the past ten years I'd come and welcome Brooke home from New York, revelling in the feeling of knowing I'd be able to see her everyday for the next nine months. And, every April 4th I'd be right back here again, except this time I'd have the feeling of sadness running through my body, knowing that I'd have to spend the next three months without her.  
_

"_Well, I don't like the hair…the jacket does not suit your colouring and don't even get me started on those pants" I heard her raspy voice from behind me, the same voice that never failed to send tingles of excitement up and down my spine  
_

_I turned around and couldn't help but let a smile cross my lips at the familiar sight of Brooke Davis, Louis Vitton bag in one hand, Vogue magazine in the other "You think you have the right to mock my fashion sense just coz your this big designer?" I teased, all the while knowing that I didn't look too good. I never did without her.  
_

"_Honey, it doesn't take an expert to know that your not looking good right now" she told me, with a raised eyebrow "Nice stubble. You been living on the streets?" she ran her hand across the side of my cheek, the cheek which she had clearly pointed out hadn't been shaved in quite a while  
_

"_Well, I missed you too Brooke" I replied, sarcasm taking over my tone_

"_I know you did, you always do" she flashed me those famous dimpled cheeks, before sliding her arm through mine "Baggage claim" she told me, rather than asked, whilst I rolled my eyes and silently thanked the heavens that I finally had her back, even if it was only for another nine months._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well, theres chapter one. Most of the chapters are gonna be short, but I'll post them quickly coz this fic is already done and dusted.

Please comment and tell me what you think!

Sophia x


	2. The Only Way Out

Thankyou guys sooooo much for all the lovely comments. I'm glad you're all liking the story so far. And, just as I promised before the chapters will be short but ill post them fast lol. (Lucas voiceover is in bold and flashbacks are in italics)

Enjoy x

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**CHAPTER TWO - The Only Way Out**

**To feel like you cant do something is hard enough, but to feel like it is actually impossible to do something is a whole lot worse. I cant live without Brooke. But, its impossible to even try. How do you even begin to imagine how to deal with losing your best friend, the closest person to you, and the one you love all at once?**

I walked into the house me and Brooke share. The house me and Brooke _shared_. Everything was exactly where we'd left it hours earlier. Her mascara was still on the kitchen counter, her stilettos still sitting by the door, and her scent was still present in the air. Except now her warm presence had disappeared and her loud laughter was silent. She was gone. Gone forever. I grabbed an unopened bottle of whiskey from the kitchen cupboard and collapsed down onto the cold leather sofa. Without thinking I unscrewed the top and let the hot liquid burn deep into the base of my throat. It didn't feel good. It didn't make things better. But, it didn't make things worse.

**Things couldn't get any worse. The pain, the loneliness, the emptiness couldn't get any worse. I had a million unanswered questions and they all started with the word 'Why?'.**

I heard a knock on the door, but didn't flinch "Lucas! LUCAS!" the familiar voice of my mom cried out to me, but I didn't bother to move and instead picked up the remote and switched on the radio "Lucas. Please let me in" she pleaded with the closed door, as Mat Kearney's Wont Back Down rang out over the speakers "Please let me help you" she offered me the help I was secretly crying out for, the help I didn't want to take through fear of having to let go "Lucas. Please" she begged of me, and I could tell she was upset but that didn't stop me from turning up the radio to drown out her voice . To drown out the pain.

_Me and Brooke sat down with a pizza and a couple of beers and just talked, something we always did on her first night back. It wasn't like we hadn't spoken to each other over the past three months, we'd spoken everyday, but there was something about having her back, actually having her here with me, it just felt right  
_

_I opened the pizza box and rolled my eyes as she immediately darted for the biggest slice "So…" I started to make conversation before sitting down opposite her at the breakfast counter "…What happened with you and lashes?" I referred to her now ex-boyfriend. She'd told me that things hadn't worked out between them over the phone, but she hadn't had time to tell me what had really gone on  
_

_"Well, it turned out that he liked himself more than he liked me…" she informed me with a shrug. She didn't seem upset about the break up, they had only dated for a couple of months so it wasn't serious and besides he wasn't good enough for her, but then again no one was. Especially not me. "And, there was nothing wrong with Michael's eyelashes" she told me with a light hearted tone, before walking past me towards the fridge, probably in search of the butter. For some reason, she always liked to smear margarita pizza with butter. I'd never asked her why, it was just another one of Brooke Davis' mannerisms that I'd come to love so much  
_

_"Oh, come on" I sighed "The guy looked like he had that Rimmel lengthening mascara on" I mocked, with a huge grin  
_

_"Ok, gotta say…its kinda scary that you know so much about eye make-up" she cocked one of her perfectly plucked eyebrows in my direction, before sitting back down opposite me and taking the lid from the tub of butter she just collected from the fridge  
_

_"I guess that's what living with princess vanity has done to me over the years" I tantalized her  
_

_"__Shut up!" she nudged me in the arm "And anyway, its not like you have the right to mock my ex's with your history with the opposite sex"  
_

_"Hey, there's been nothing wrong with the people I've dated…" I retorted "Well, except one may be.." I looked her up and down. Ironically, she was the only person that I'd dated that there hadn't been something wrong with, but I was never going to tell her that  
_

_"Tina? Michelle? Kate?" she listed my past girlfriends on her fingers  
I scrunched my face up "What was wrong with Kate?" I questioned, and tried to look offended as Brooke threw her head back and groaned in disagreement "So, she didn't wanna party every night. We are nearly 30, Brooke" I told her with a smirk that I couldn't stop from appearing  
_

_"Yeah, don't remind me" she answered, before taking a bite from her third slice of pizza. I shook my head and wiped the melted cheese that had dripped down her chin away with my finger "I think I already spotted my first grey hair…" she informed me with a tone of slight disappointment before the door bell rang  
_

_I stood up and began to make my way to the door "Don't be dumb…" I answered, before taking her head into my hands and kissing the top of it "Your hair's beautiful" I complimented her "Oh, wait" I paused and pretended to spot a grey strand amongst her dark brown locks  
_

_"Funny" sarcasm showed upon her face and in her voice as she jabbed me in the ribs  
_

_I walked over to the door, and opened it to a very excited Haley, followed by Peyton, Jake and Nathan. Haley ran straight past me and into the arms of Brooke "Hey!" she greeted her eagerly as I welcomed the others  
_

_"You are gonna love me more than ever before" Brooke told Peyton and Haley, as she finished up her half of the pizza  
_

_"That's actually possible?" Peyton's commented wittedly, as Brooke nudged her in the hip playfully  
_

_"Louis Vitton just finished last seasons orders and they had a bunch of stock left over…so guess who was first in line for all the freebies?" Brooke told the others all in one breath before walking through to her room, obviously in search of the clothes she'd been referring too  
_

_"The clothes are for us right?" Peyton whispered into Haley's ear "I mean where not just watching her try stuff on again are we? Coz I really was hoping to have an early night tonight" Peyton joked, as both her and Haley also made there way into Brooke's room  
_

_"So, how's it feel to have her back?" Jake asked me as he seated himself on the sofa next to Nathan  
_

_"Luke, would you bring that bottle of red wine through?" Brooke called out to me from her room before I had chance to answer Jake  
_

_"It's like she never left" I smiled, and grabbed the bottle of wine and three glasses from the kitchen cupboard_

Eventually my mom had given up trying to get through to me and gone home. A part of me wanted to believe that she'd not only given up on trying to get through to me but that she'd actually given up on me too. If I believed that, then I could make myself believe that whatever I was about to do in these next few seconds wouldn't affect her. It wouldn't affect her because she wouldn't care. I stood from the sofa and walked over to the kitchen area, I opened up a cupboard and took a large pot of pills from inside. I then poured the pills out onto the worktop and sat in front of them. Brooke was gone. Now it was just me, the regret of things that I should have said and done, and my way out. The only way out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comments are love

HaHa

Sophia x


	3. I Dont Know How

**As always thank-you for everyone that commented on the last chapter. I'm always so grateful for any support for my fics. Anyways, here's chapter 3!**

**Enjoy x**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**CHAPTER THREE - I Don't Know How**

**Is it impossible to see a way into the future when you cant even bear to look into the past? Is it impossible to forgive when your so sure your the one to blame? Is it impossible to fight to stay alive when you want so badly to be dead? The saying goes that nothing is impossible. Right now, I'm not so sure I believe that.**

I'd managed to swallow four pills. I was four pills closer to death. I was four pills closer to her. But, before I could take another the door burst open and Nathan ran over to me "What the hell are you doing?!!" he yelled as he pushed me away from the kitchen counter were I'd sat to live my last moments "What the hell are you thinking?!" he screamed once again, the terror of what he'd just witnessed present on his face 

"What _else_ am I suppose to do…HUH?!!" I shouted back at him "There's nothing left for me now!" I was right. In my eyes there was nothing left for me. Brooke was my everything, and now I'd lost her forever. 

"_Nothing left for you_?!" Nathan continued to yell "Are you freaking kidding me?" he began flushing the pills down the sink as he lectured me "Stop being so damn selfish, Luke!" his voice began to break, and his facial expression softened "It would break your moms heart if she knew what you'd just tried to do" 

"I cant live without her, Nate" I confessed "I just…I cant do it" I sat back down on the stool and ran my fingers back and forth over the top of my head 

Nathan leant on the counter opposite me and looked me dead in the eye "You gotta greave man" he told me "You gotta cry, you gotta let it out" 

He was right. I did need to greave. I did need to cry. "I, I don't know how" I replied genuinely. 

"Then let us help you. Me, your mom, Hales, Peyton, Jake, were all there for you man. You just gotta _let_ us be there for you" he offered the help I needed so badly. I wanted nothing more than to let him help me, to let them all help me. But, I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as that. Nothing was going to be easy from now on. Not when all I could think about was her.

_I looked over in her direction. She was sat with Peyton on the floor, painting her toe nails, whilst me, Nathan and Jake were spread out across the sofa waiting for the commercials to finish before the basketball game would resume. I smirked as I saw the concentration upon her face replaced by a cute smile when she finished up with Peyton.  
_

"_Ok, who's next?" her gorgeous hazel/green eyes scanned the room as she held the nail varnish brush in her hand. Her eyes stopped searching when she got to me and a huge grin appeared on her face  
_

"_No way!" I immediately protested to whatever it was she had in mind before taking a swig from my beer bottle and sinking deeper into the leather sofa  
_

"_Come on. I'm so bored" she was always 'so bored' when she had to watch ESPN. I was always so bored when she'd force me to watch America's Next Top Model or Greys Anatomy. But, my boredom would always have a reward when she'd fall asleep under my arm, or against my chest "You let me do it once before" she kinked her eyebrow at me, whilst the others chuckled knowing Brooke had let on a little more than I'd hoped  
_

"_Well, if that's the rule tonight" I looked at her from head to toe and grinned. I made it sound like it was all a big joke, but deep down I knew that I'd give anything for another night with her. Anything for another night to be close to her  
_

"_Pwease…" her eyes dropped and her lips pouted as she pleaded with me. But, before I could refuse her anymore she jumped up off of her place on the floor and rushed towards me, but before she could reach me I darted up off of the sofa and ran to anywhere in the room that wasn't near her.  
_

"_No, no, no" I repeated before tackling her onto the chair and playfully pinching her sides whilst she screamed  
_

"_Lucas! Lucas, no" she managed to say through the giggles  
_

_Haley then walked through to the living area from the bathroom "Explain to me why your not a couple again?" she narrowed her eyes and looked at us like a disapproving mother  
_

"_Hey, not all of us wanna be married with kids by the time where like, what 12?" Brooke shot Haley a light-hearted mock grin at the exact same time Haley did the same thing to her._

Waking up without her the next morning was a lot harder than going to sleep without her the night before. Now it'd had time to sink in, to become real. I hadn't done my usual morning routine when I'd woken up. I hadn't made me and Brooke breakfast, or had a shower or a shave, I'd just thrown on some clothes and headed out the door, my feet taking me somewhere. Anywhere. When I'd finally stopped walking I found myself at the beach.

**The beach always had been the place I'd go to think, the sea air would give me some sort of clarity whilst the washing of the waves would help calm me down. But, all the beach seemed to hold for me now was memories of Brooke. Memories I didn't want to forget. But, memories that were to painful to be remembered right now.**

I turned to my right on hearing footsteps coming towards me. I looked up into the blinding sun and could just make out the form of Haley, her face red and soar and her eyes bulging clearly from the amount of tears she'd cried. For a moment we just sat in silence, and stared out into the soft blue sea. It was a beautiful sight, at a tragic time. 

"You know she loved you, right?" Haley asked me, but didn't turn to face me, probably through fear of me realising the pain upon her face. The pain that I knew was already there 

I nodded in answer before looking down at the sand that was giving me some comfort "That's what makes things worse" I replied in a whisper "To know that if I would have told her how I felt sooner, we could have had _some_ time" 

Haley still kept her focus on the quilt of blue in front of us "But, you didn't" she told me not with viciousness, or regret but with pure fact "And, now here we are" 

I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly "Here we are" I repeated her words under my breath 

Suddenly Haley broke down and tears began flowing down her cheeks "I don't know what were gonna do without her" she choked before I slowly took her into my arms and kissed the top of her head "What are we gonna do, Luke?" 

I thought about Haley's question for a moment but replied with the only answer I knew "I…don't know" I stuttered, my eyes scanning the area surrounding us before I focused directly upon Dan's beach house. There was obviously some unfinished business I had to take care of.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pleaaassseeee comment and tell me what ya think!

Sophia x


	4. By Any Means Possible

**As always thank-you to everyone thats commented. I know that its hard to read this story if Brooke is ur fave chracter coz shes dead, but I'm a die hard Brooke fan and I beleive that I've made this work. Like I said on the other site where I posted the whole of this fic originally, I wanted to write something that wasnt all fluff, I wanted to write some drama and tragedy. I thought about killing another character off, but I dont think I could have written Lucas' hurt as well as I could when its Brooke he's hurting over, coz I feel like I understand the Brucas relationship a whole lot better than I understand the relationship between any of the other chracters. I guess thats why I'm such a huge BL fan. Anyways, please stick with this story even if your a big Brooke fan...coz it will get better, I promise!**

**Enjoy x**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**CHAPTER FOUR - By Any Means Possible**

**It'd been a day since Brooke had been taken away from me, and still I hadn't cried a single tear. It wasn't that I'd stopped myself from getting emotional. It was just that I hadn't known how. I guess because of my failure to greave, the grief turned into revenge. And, that's what got me to his door. Pure Revenge.**

I didn't bother to knock or to be respectful. The only thought running through my head was to find him. What I was actually going to do when coming face to face with him I didn't know. I just knew I wanted to hurt him as much as he'd hurt me. I entered the beach house, and scanned the room for his figure. Suddenly, I heard noises coming from upstairs, noises that I was going to silence by any means.

_I'd made the mistake of stopping by the café to see my mom during the lunch time rush hour. The quick visit I'd planned on making had turned into a two hour work shift. Not that I minded. I'd always done everything I could to help my mom out since Keith's death. At times it had gotten hard. But, when Andy had shown up a couple of years later and got back into a relationship with my mom, things had become a lot easier.  
_

"_Hey dude" I looked up to see Peyton sitting on the other side of the counter  
_

"_Hey" I answered cheerfully, before beginning to make her a coffee "What you been up too?" I made conversation as I waited for the hot water to finish spilling out into the mug  
_

"_I've just been to lunch with Brooke" she answered with a smile "Did you know some guy from her work asked her out on a date yesterday?" she enquired with a curious tone, before I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't care. While deep inside I was screaming out for more information "He's called Matt, and apparently he's like some kind of male model" Peyton informed me, to my displeasure. Displeasure I was sure she could recognise upon my face and within my body language. I handed her a mug of coffee and watched her as she stirred the liquid around with a spoon  
_

"_So, err…what did she say?" I tried to sound like I wasn't really bothered whether Brooke had agreed to go out with this 'male model' guy or not  
_

"_She said no" the curly blonde answered "Now why on earth would Brooke Davis say no to going out with a gorgeous male model?" her question was rhetorical. She didn't want an answer because she thought she already knew the answer. That I could tell. "Oh, I know, maybe its coz she's waiting for her housemate to declare his undying love for her" she said with a light-hearted tone before taking a sip from her coffee  
_

_I rolled my eyes and threw the hand towel over my shoulder in defeat "We've had this conversation a million times…" I groaned before clearing up a few pots from the counter  
_

"_Yeah, we have. So, why haven't you done anything about it yet?" she ordered an answer like she was so sure that there was something more than friendship between me and Brooke  
_

"_I'm not getting into this again…" I shrugged before walking from behind the counter and into the main café area to clear a few tables   
_

_Peyton turned to face me "But, you guys belong together…" she whined "You've been through so much…and with everything that's going on right now, you need her to help you through it, Luke. You cant do it alone"  
_

_I looked up at her with a little confusion in my eyes "Cant do what alone?"  
_

"_The whole Dan and Keith thing. You tried to deal with it all on your own last time, and look how that worked out" she raised her eyebrows before turning back around  
_

_I walked back to the other side of the counter and put the dishes into the sink "Peyton, what are you talking about?" I asked, still puzzled by what Peyton was talking about  
_

"_Dan letting Keith into the school on the day of the shooting…" she said, like I was suppose to be aware of the situation already "I'm actually surprised how well you've took it. I thought you'd be out on the war path by now…" she continued to talk without noticing the shock on my face "I guess Brooke stopped you from flipping out, huh? That girl always could get you to do anything she wanted"  
_

"_Brooke knew about this?!" I questioned Peyton with disbelief  
_

_Peyton looked up and it was only then she realised what she'd done "Oh my god…" she said in a whisper "I thought she'd told you"  
_

"_How did you find out about this?" I looked her dead in the eye as I waited for an answer that Peyton clearly didn't want to give me "Peyton?" I questioned her fiercely  
_

"_A couple of days ago me and Brooke went to my moms grave…" she began telling me what I needed to hear "Then Brooke stopped off to see Keith, and Dan was there…" she told me reluctantly "He said stuff, Luke"  
_

"_What stuff?" I asked, immediately. Ignoring any pressure Peyton was under  
_

_She took a deep breath "He said…he said he wasn't going to feel guilty anymore for letting Keith into the school on the day of the shooting. He didn't know that she was there, I guess he was talking to Keith or something"  
_

"_I don't believe this" I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door  
_

"_Lucas!" Peyton shouted repeatedly, but I kept walking and walking until her shouts eventually stopped. I couldn't believe what Brooke had done. After high school we'd sworn to tell each other everything. Good and bad. We'd stayed friends for the last ten years because we'd finally been honest with each other. Well, that's what I'd thought anyway._

But, as I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the worst, it wasn't Dan that I came face to face with but the police officer I'd been questioned by the day before 

"Mr. Scott?" he stated, a little confusion in his voice 

"What are you doing here?" I asked, before he could begin questioning my reasons for being there 

"There were enough eye witnesses to prove that the death of your friend was down to Daniel Scott, so we came down here to arrest him…" the officer took a deep breath like whatever he was about to say was going to have some kind of affect on me "But, it looks as though he's left" 

"He's left?!" I repeated with doubt, before glancing up the stairs where the officer had just appeared from "He cant have done" I protested 

"Well, he's either left or taken all his clothes to get dry cleaned…" the officer's joke fell on deaf ears "He's taken all of his belongings" 

"Well, where the hell has he gone!!" I yelled, wanting an answer. Needing an answer "He cant get away with this!" I refused to back down "He just cant" 

"I assure you we will find your father, Mr. Scott" the officer reassured me 

"He is not my father!!" I screamed back. Before immediately calming myself down "He is not my father" I repeated myself 

"Do you have any idea where he may have gone?" the officer took a note pad from his pocket and waited for an answer from me 

I searched my mind. But, couldn't find an answer "No…" 

"We'll call you when we find any new information" he informed me before quietly leaving the house.

**In that moment I knew that I would do anything, **_**everything**_**, to find Dan Scott. To kill Dan Scott. By any means. By any means possible.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ok, so I know there was no BL in this chapter but thats only coz its gonna be ALL BL next chapter. BL angst plus a little something special. Anyways PLEASE comment. Dont be TO harsh on the lack of BL lol

Sophia x


	5. Too Afraid To Let Go

**CHAPTER FIVE - Too Afraid To Let Go**

**For the next seven days I'd focused all my energy, all my depression, all my sadness on finding Dan. I'd pushed Brooke's death to the back of my mind. I'd pushed it so far out of my mind that somehow I'd managed to convince myself that she wasn't gone. That her life hadn't really been taken. That she was still here with me. I'd refused to make her funeral arrangements. I'd refused to even **_**talk**_** about making funeral arrangements. In some twisted way I thought that pretending that she was still here would bring her back. Deep down inside I knew I was kidding myself. I was just to afraid to admit it.**

I knocked on the back door of Peyton and Jake's house, my mind still focused on finding Dan. Even the sight of the hollow shell Peyton had become couldn't break me from my mission, and so when she answered the door dressed in the baggy clothing she'd had on since the day of Brooke's death, her eyes still teary and her face still pale, I walked right by her and into the house. 

"I just spoke to the woman that lives in the beach house next to Dan. She said she was talking to him a few weeks back and he said he was thinking about taking a road trip to New York to see one of his old college basketball team-mates " I told Peyton and Jake with a hopeful tone "I dont know for sure that's were he's gone but I just need to find out who he is, and then get his address. Maybe I could get it from the school records or something, I don't know" I continued now with a tone of desperation but sensed Peyton and Jake weren't as enthusiastic about the matter from the expression upon their faces "I just, I just need to borrow your computer so that I can-" 

"Would you just stop this!!" I was cut off when Peyton began yelling and throwing her palms onto the coffee table situated between the two of us "Brooke is gone, Luke!" she shouted once more, but I refused to look her in the eye or listen to her words "Going after Dan isn't gonna change that…" a few tears began to flow down her cheeks. Tears of sadness or anger? I didn't know which 

"If I can just find him and-" I was cut off once more 

"And, _what_? Put the fear of death into him? beat him to a pulp?…_kill him_?" the curly blonde got louder and louder with every word whilst Jake offered his long term girlfriend some consoling. I paused and for a moment I realised that Peyton was right, they were all right. I'd become obsessed with finding Dan. So, obsessed that I hadn't properly dealt with losing Brooke.

_I rushed to his door and banged on it hard with my fist. I didn't think that I could get anymore angry, that was until I saw his face  
_

"_Lucas?" he said with general confusion  
_

"_Did you let Keith into the school on the day of the shooting?" I demanded almost immediately  
_

_Dan's pupils widened and I could tell my question wasn't something he was expecting "I think you should come in" he opened the door wider, and glanced past me, probably in search for anyone who could hear our words  
_

"_Yes or no?" I yelled, not wanting to be sucked in with his excuses  
_

"…_Yes" he revealed with no amount of regret or guilt. Without thinking I almost instantly let my fist smash into his face, and again and again and again until his elbow caught the side of my face and knocked me back a little  
_

_I looked down at him, my teeth gritted and my anger building "I've never been more ashamed of you" I told him viciously before walking away and leaving him on the floor_

But, the moment soon passed and once again I was filled with revenge, bitterness, anger "…To find out why?" I said, a deep frown forming on my face "To find out why he did it" 

"Dan may be able to give you one answer but he cant give you them all, Luke" Jake chipped in "And, I think that's what your _really_ looking for" 

"We don't have all the answers, Lucas. None of us do. Not even Dan" Peyton's eyes now began watering. I could tell that they wanted so badly for me to give this up. I wanted so badly to give it up too. 

I looked down to the ground, before looking back up at the people I was suppose to help through times like these "…I _need_ to know" I couldn't give it up. I wasn't going to stop until I found him. I made my way past Peyton and Jake and towards the door I'd appeared from moments earlier "…I'm sorry" I whispered without looking back and then I was gone.

**I was sorry. Sorry that I couldn't help my friends through the pain that I was feeling. Sorry that I couldn't let Brooke go. Sorry that I'd become so consumed with revenge. I'd just dug myself into a whole so deep that I couldn't even **_**see**_** a way out, let alone actually **_**get**_** out.**

_I didn't want to be mad with her. I never liked to be mad with her. But, it just felt like she'd betrayed me. Like she'd deliberately kept this a secret from me. I knew she'd have a valid reason and I knew I shouldn't even be mad with her. She'd always had a kind heart and her intentions had always been good. It was just a bad time to walk in on me with the mood I was in, and that's exactly what she did.  
_

"_Hey…" she said quietly and on edge, but I didn't answer "Peyton told me what happened…" she inched closer into the living area where I was seated  
_

"_Yeah, Peyton told me what happened too" I replied with some venom "What I cant figure out is why the hell you didn't tell me first?" I brushed past her and into the kitchen which was open plan to the living area  
_

_She turned around to face me "...I knew you'd fly off the handle" she reasoned "And, clearly I was right" she said, observing the cut on my cheek with her eyes and with her finger tips, her warm touch sending tingles through my body. But, I wasn't going to let her get off easy with this so I rejected her touch resulting in a little awkwardness in the atmosphere. I never rejected her touch. I'd never had reason too. I didn't really have reason too now "I should have told you alright? I just didn't want you getting yourself into trouble" she simplified her reasons "I made a stupid mistake, Luke" she told me with that cute smile that I could never resist "Its not like you haven't made a few in your time" she joked. And, I knew it was only a joke but my emotions had become very touchy since hearing about what Dan had done  
_

"_Oh, name one mistake I've made that's as stupid as this one?" I began to raise my voice but immediately regretted it  
_

"_Ok, how about you told me your feelings for me when my cab to California was waiting right outside? Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already in a serious relationship?" she was right I had declared my feelings for her at the most awkward time and I had told her I loved her when she was already in a pretty good relationship with Chase. I guess my revelation had made there relationship hard and that's why they'd broke up but me and Brooke never got together. Brooke had turned me away because she didn't want to put her friendship with Peyton in jeopardy again. A decision I'd been so proud of her for making.  
_

"_Hey. Wait a minute, that was totally different. I did those things because I was in love with you" I argued my point  
_

"_Right__!" she blurted out in an instance, agreeing with the point I'd just made. I thought for a second about what she'd said, did she mean that she'd not told me about Dan because she was in love with me or had she just worded whatever she'd wanted to say wrongly. We stood and stared at each other for a second that seemed to last forever before Brooke broke eye contact "Your right. That's very different" she tried to justify what she'd just said but she didn't do it convincingly "…I'm gonna go for a walk" she quickly grabbed her bag and jacket and headed out the door leaving me more confused than I'd ever been. Had Brooke Davis just told me she was in love with me? Or was I just hearing what I wanted too?_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey guys! That's the fifth chapter. As always I hoped you enjoyed it, and pleeaaassseee comment. I love to read what you guys think and always appreaciate EVERY single person that takes time out to read my fics and to comment on them too. They'll be a little BL romance in the next chapter...just a little haha 

Sophia x


	6. So Far Away From You

**CHAPTER SIX - So Far Away From The Truth, So Far Away From You**

**I'd tried so hard to find the addresses to any of Dan's old college basketball team-mates that lived in New York but I found that it was no longer worth the trouble when I'd gone into Dan's house and found that his passport was gone. He hadn't gone on a road trip anywhere. He'd gone far, far away. He'd run so far and so fast it was becoming more and more impossible to believe that I was ever going to find him. I was back to the beginning. Back to not knowing. Back to being so far away from finding the truth.**

My mom had begged and pleaded with me to meet up with her and the others to sort out Brooke funeral arrangements. Of course I'd said no. I wasn't going to be a part of organising my best friends funeral arrangements, I wasn't even sure that I was going to actually be at the funeral of my best friend. I sat on the leather sofa that had stayed cold ever since Brooke's death. A glass of whiskey in one hand and the ability to make the rest of my life count in the other. Given a choice I knew which one I'd rather give up. I downed the glass of whiskey and stared at the wall in front of me, the voices in my head the only noise that could be heard. It was 10:30 in the morning and already I'd given up on the day ahead.

**The day ahead didn't mean anything to me knowing that it wasn't going to have Brooke in it. Over the past week and half since her death I'd completely cut myself off from the world. The TV hadn't been touched since Brooke had turned it off after watching Desperate Housewives. My mobile hadn't been switched on since the battery had run out on the day she died. And, I'd only spoken to my friends and family when I'd realised that they might be able to help me with finding Dan. I was alone. Alone in my surroundings. Alone in my heart. Alone in my thoughts.**

_I sat regretting every word that I'd said to her. And thinking hard about every word she'd said to me. The thought of her loving me again was enough to send me into overdrive. It was everything I'd ever dreamt about. Everything I'd ever wished for. But, still I couldn't believe that it was true. Still I tried to convince myself that she meant it in different terms. Maybe it was a slip of the tongue. Or maybe it was a revelation of feelings she'd been holding in for as long as I had. I turned around to see her enter through the front door. We both looked regretful for a second before she started to speak.  
_

"_I hate it when your mad at me" she said softly, whilst staying in the same position like she didn't know if it was safe to move closer to me  
_

"_I'm not mad at you, Brooke. You just caught me in a bad mood" I replied, before gesturing her to come and sit with me which she did in an instant  
_

"_I'm sorry" she told me in a remorseful manner whilst intertwining her fingers with mine  
_

_I gently draped my arm around her shoulder "Me too" I said, before softly kissing her forehead and smiling. She then stole the waffle I was eating right out of my hand and began munching on it herself , whilst her head rested lightly against my chest "I can easily go back to being mad with you, you know?" I joked whilst rolling my eyes. She had me wrapped around her finger and she always had. She knew that just as well as I did. She held the waffle up to my face for me to take a bite before finishing the rest of it off herself.  
_

"_So, what happened with Dan?" she asked curiously, before jumping up off the sofa and taking the empty plate into the kitchen  
_

"_I just asked him if it was true, he said yes-"  
_

"_And, you punched him…" she finished the sentence off for me, just as she'd got use to doing so many times before  
_

"_Pretty much" I agreed, with a shrug of the shoulders  
_

"_Did you put some antiseptic on that cut?" she asked with a motherly tone  
_

"_Err, yeah" I lied, without letting my eyes lock with her hazel ones  
_

_She looked down her nose at me, her eyelids narrowing. She then turned and opened the cupboard behind her and got out the antiseptic "Yeah, right. The bottles still sealed" she caught me out before grabbing some cotton wool on her way back to where I was sitting  
_

"_But, it stings…" I whined like a small child  
_

_She shook her head in amusement "Luke, your twenty-nine" she giggled before kneeling down on the empty spaces of sofa around me and leaning over me, probably to make sure I didn't escape. She then poured some liquid out onto a piece of cotton wool and moved it towards the open wound on my cheek but before it made contact with my skin I pulled away "Lucas Eugene Scott!" she took charge, and pulled the back of my head closer to her before wiping the antiseptic liquid onto my skin whilst I winced and moaned "You are too cute" she smiled just enough for her dimples to appear "There you go" she said putting the lid back onto the bottle "Wasn't so bad after all, huh?" she clasped my face into her hands and unbeknownst to me went to kiss my cheek, but I turned my head just in time for her lips to touch mine just for a split second. A split second that meant everything to me. A split second that I'd waited ten years for. Our lips had already parted but I still felt the tension around us. I still saw her eyes focused on my mouth, and just as she was about to move her head closer to mine the front door opened and Peyton appeared. We both jumped up and headed in different directions, her towards Peyton and me, well I was too stunned to move anywhere  
_

"_Well, I just came to make the peace between you two but it seems you've already done that pretty well" she teased us knowing exactly what she'd just walked in on  
_

"_Do you ever bother knocking?" Brooke enquired, already knowing the answer but just using her words to divert Peyton's attention upon anything that wasn't what had just happened between her and me  
_

"_I didn't know I'd be interrupting anything important?" she grinned from ear to ear as she witnessed me and Brooke trying to keep ourselves busy to avoid embarrassment "Clearly I was wrong"_

I then heard there voices. My mom, Nathan, Haley, Jake, Peyton and Andy. As the front door opened, I suddenly regretted giving them a spare key. I didn't turn to face them. I couldn't turn to face them. It was too hard to let them see the pain in my face. Too hard for me to see the pain in theirs. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my eyes still fixated on the wall in front of me 

"Seen as how your too…_busy_…to come us, we thought we'd come to you" my mom said, whilst clearing up the mess I'd been living in for the past week and a half 

"We need to make arrangements, Luke" Andy told me before sitting down in the chair to my left, whilst the others quietly seated themselves around me 

"I'm not going" I said under my breath. I didn't have to look round to see the disappointment in their faces. Disappointment in my decision. Disappointment in me. 

"You have to go, man" Nathan informed me with disbelief 

"No, I don't" I still didn't make eye contact with them 

"You should go Lucas. You'll regret it" Haley rested a reassuring hand on my shoulder as she spoke 

"I should have told Brooke I loved her sooner. I should have kept fighting for her for longer. I should have done so many things. One more 'I should have done' isn't gonna hurt" I said in monotone without flinching 

"We all wish we would have said and done things differently, Lucas" Peyton replied with hopelessness laced within her voice "But, we didn't…deal with it!" the hopelessness turned to anger 

"I am dealing with it" I responded with gritted teeth. I couldn't deal with a lecture. Not now. 

"What by becoming obsessed with finding Dan? Or by trying to kill yourself?" she was right. I hadn't dealt with things. I hadn't wanted too. I knew I was doing wrong by my friends. By Brooke. But, I just couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. 

"Peyton!" Haley yelled at Peyton's revelation of a secret she clearly hadn't wanted Peyton to share 

"You told her!" Nathan now became annoyed with Haley 

A few tears escaped Haley's eyes "Were suppose to stick together through times like these" she said desperately wanting us to unite and work our way through this tragic time 

"You tried to kill yourself?" my mom asked me almost calmly. _Almost_. It killed me to see the pain in her eyes. It killed me to know I caused that "You selfish, selfish boy!!" she screamed loud enough for everyone in the whole street to hear. Her facial expression shocked, disappointed, hurt. She lunged towards me, but I didn't flinch. Whatever she was about to do to me I deserved. 

"Karen, come on, he's going through a hard enough time as it is" Andy reasoned before pulling her back away from me 

"Your not the only one that cared about Brooke, you know?" Peyton said all in one tone, like she'd given up hope. She glared over at me from her place on the other sofa, Jake's arms wrapped around her for comfort. The same comfort I wished I still had in Brooke. Maybe that's why I'd become so angry with my friends. They couldn't possibly understand how I was feeling. They still had the ones they loved. I'd lost my love forever. 

"I never said that I was" I answered, still with no amount of emotion in my voice 

"Your acting like you're the only one that lost somebody…" she got up from the sofa and moved towards me but still I didn't recoil "She was my best friend!!" she shrieked inches from my face. Still I refused to let it get to me. I refused to show any emotion. 

"Peyton, come on, honey" Jake pulled her back away from me 

"How can you argue at a time like this?!" Haley ran her fingers through her hair as the stress clearly became too much 

"Somebody needs to tell him how selfish he's being. He needs to pull himself together!" Peyton's vicious but true words got to me this time 

I looked around at my ever so distant friends for the first time since they'd arrived "You guys think you know what I'm feeling…" I whispered under my breath and the room went silent "You cant possibly have a clue…" I continued "See, you all still have the people you love…" I glanced around at my friends and family who all had somebody. My mom had Andy, Peyton had Jake and Haley had Nathan. I was alone "You all lost a _friend_ when Brooke died. I lost the one person I told everything too. I lost my best friend. I lost the woman I'd been in love with for the past _fifteen_ years!!" my voice became louder and more infuriated with every word that came from my lips "I lost _everything_ when I lost Brooke" I stood up from the sofa, the passion flowing from my body, the hurt flowing from my mouth. I threw the empty glass that I had in my hand against the wall I'd been staring at all this time. And, just as I was about to walk away my mother pulled me back 

"Do you honestly think arguing about this is gonna bring Brooke back??!" my mom now took her turn to yell, but this time everyone shut up "Brooke is gone! She's gone! You've been friends since you were fifteen, you've been there for each other through absentee parents, custody battles, drug problems, numerous car crashes and you know what?" her voice still rang loudly through the cold atmosphere "You've survived it all, and ill be _damned_ if I'm gonna let you fall apart now" she now became a little calmer once she knew she had everyone's attention "Brooke was like a daughter to me, she meant something to us all…and it would-" she stuttered a little as her voice began to break "It would break her heart to see you all fighting like this" a tear made its way down her cheek just as it did with Peyton and Haley "So, please just start acting like the friends your all suppose to be, not for me but for yourselves…and for Brooke"

**After that we just sat in silence. All of us wondering how we'd let ourselves blame each other for something that wasn't our fault. That could never be our fault. I knew exactly who I blamed. And, because of that I knew exactly what I had to do when finding him.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou to everyone thats commented on this fic so far, your support means a lot to me. Anyways, thats chapter 6...chapter 6 already? i cant believe it lol. Anyways please comment.

Sophia x


	7. Losing A Loss Forever

**CHAPTER SEVEN - Coming To Terms With A Loss Means Losing That Loss Forever**

**My obsession with finding Dan had gotten worse, and my failure to let Brooke go hadn't gotten better. I knew I was pushing my friends and family further away. I knew that one day I'd have to come to terms with losing Brooke, just like they had done. But, to me coming to terms with loss was losing that loss forever. And, that was just something I wasn't ready for.**

I waited for my mom to leave the house before entering through the door attached to my old room. The room in which I'd shared so many kisses, so many tears, so many memories with Brooke. I stopped for a second, my eyes fixed on the box on top of my wardrobe. The cardboard box which I hadn't dared to look in since she'd broken up with me years before, since she'd broken my heart into a million pieces, since she'd walked away from me and all I could do was say sorry. 

"Lucas?" Andy appeared at the open door "What are you doing here?" he asked 

My eyes lingered on the box for a few moments more before I turned to face Andy "The police know where Dan is" I told him bluntly 

Shock, joy, satisfaction spread across his face all at once "Lucas, that's great" he patted me on the back like he was content with the news. Me, on the other hand, was far from content 

"I need your help…" I looked around for any sign of my mom. If she knew what I was about to ask Andy, she'd put a spanner in the works for sure "I need you to get one of your guys to find out where he is" 

Andy's cheerful expression turned to uncertainty "What? _Why?_" he stammered 

"I need to get to Dan before they do. I need to find out why he did it" I smelt the alcohol on my own breath as I spoke. I saw the desperation on my face as I glanced into the mirror 

Andy sighed and rubbed his hand over his face like he was exhausted with my possessed behaviour "Lucas, its too dangerous. Just let the police do there job" 

"Andy, you've gotta help me out. I just need half an hour alone with him" I appealed to him 

He looked into my eyes for a second. In that second I knew he was questioning what had gone so wrong that I'd ended up like this. That I'd ended up so lifeless yet so bitter "I cant trust what you'll do to him when you see him, Lucas. I cant put you in that danger" 

I shut my eyes, knowing that it was over. The police where going to find Dan first and I'd never get to find out why "…Please" I whispered and then turned to face him once again "This is my only chance…" I could see him giving in, I could see him breaking under the pressure "I just need to ask him why" 

He heaved a sigh "I'll see what I can do" he agreed reluctantly 

"Thanks Andy…" I told him genuinely 

"If you mom found out about this she'd kill me…" he told me "She'd kill us both…" 

"She isn't gonna find out" I reassured him, before turning to leave 

"Lucas…" he called from behind me before I turned back round to face him "Dan cant bring Brooke back, and neither can you" he told me with a little fear in his voice, fear of how I might react to his words "You need to start talking to us, Luke" I advised me "And, if you feel like you cant talk to us, then maybe writing down what your feeling will help you. You've still got that book to write…"

_I looked up as the warm water came showering down onto my face. I'd spent the morning working at Tree Hill High. I'd taken over Whitey's job when he'd retired and couldn't be more happier with my career as a basketball coach and novel writer. My love life on the other hand, wasn't going so well. For the last ten years I'd wanted nothing more than to scream my feelings for Brooke, nothing more than to say them out loud. But, something was stopping me. That something being the fear of losing her friendship.  
_

"_Lucas!" her raspy voice rang through the house, followed by a slamming of the front door. She always slammed doors. Even when she wasn't angry "Luke!!" she shouted once more  
_

"_I'm in the shower…" I called back, and expected her to wait for me to get out instead of doing what she did, which was walk into the bathroom anyway  
"Brooke!!" I shouted in shock. But, after thinking for a second I didn't know why I was so shocked. She'd invaded my privacy many times before. It didn't bother me though. There was something about Brooke Davis. She could make anything seem cute, make anyone fall in love with her ways. With her.  
_

"_Don't look so worried. I've seen it all before" she kinked her eyebrow before flashing me an adorable smile that could have made me fall for her right there and then. If I hadn't already "Although, you are looking kinda buff…" she surveyed my highly exposed body, whilst I did my best to cover it up "Have you been doing my yoga DVD while I've been away?" she joked. She always had a tendency to go off topic  
_

_I grabbed the towel which was on the rail near enough for me to reach "Was there something you wanted to tell me?" I asked, wrapping the towel around my waist and getting out of the shower  
_

"_Oh, yeah, sorry…" she apologised, realising she'd gone a little off topic whilst I walked through to the living area and she followed "So, I was at dinner with Haley, and your cell starts ringing-"  
_

"_Wait, why did you have my cell?" I interrupted her much to her displeasure  
_

"_Yours has free minutes…" she shrugged and continued whilst I rolled my eyes "Anyway, I answer and its this publisher guy, he said he was a big fan of your last book and he thinks your very talented" she informed me excitedly "AND, he wants you to write a book and he said that if its good enough, his company will publish like a hundred, thousand copies, more if it does well" she said all in one breath before clapping her hands together hyperactively  
_

"_Are you kidding?" I asked, dumbfounded by Brooke's news  
_

"_He wants you to write a dark, emotional novel or something. He gave me his number, he wants you to call him" she pulled a piece of paper from her bag and handed it to me, while I put all my effort into keeping a hold on my towel and reaching for the paper all at once  
_

"_Oh my god. That's great" I hugged Brooke, and only realised that I was still wet from the shower when her expression turned to one of displeasure "This is unbelievable"  
_

"_Yeah, well, just don't go forgetting me when your all big and famous…" she joked before grabbing a soda from the fridge  
_

"_Like I could ever forget you…" I said, sitting down on the stool at the breakfast counter "You kinda leave an everlasting impression"  
_

"_Oh, yeah?" she asked, eager for me to elaborate and complement her more  
_

"_Yeah, for all the wrong reasons…" I teased, and received a mock laugh and playfully rub on the head before she made her way down the hallway  
_

"_I can see through you towel by the way" she commented without looking back, as I hurriedly tried to conceal whatever it was that was on show. She then turned back to face me "Gotcha" she winked mischievously_

"I haven't really thought about writing since Brooke-" I couldn't bear to finish the sentence 

"Try it. It could help" Andy advised before leaving me alone

**Alone in my old room, with my past memories, and present pain. I glanced back round at the cardboard box that contained everything I'd ever shared with her. She'd never known that it wasn't just Peyton that had had a box, she'd had one too. She'd also never known that not only did she have a box, but she'd had my heart, my mind and my soul. She not only had a box, she had me. And, that was something that nobody else but her could claim as theirs.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Again, sorry for the long wait but here's the next chapter. I hope you guys will continue to stick with this coz the drama is really gonna kick in within the next few chapters as you can probably guess lol. Anyways, please comment 

Sophia x


	8. Goodbye For Now

**CHAPTER EIGHT - Goodbye For Now**

**Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote; 'You can not run away from weakness; you must fight it out…or perish. And, if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?'**  
**It was the day of Brooke's funeral. The day I had to make the choice between the two options Stevenson had left me with; could I find the strength to fight through the pain? or would I give up and let myself perish before my own eyes?**

I awoke with a sea of brunette hair beside me, the sweet smell of coconut shampoo sending whirls of excitement through my body. I draped my arm around her waist and sent small, warm kisses up and down the curve of her neck until her eyelashes began to flutter and her eyelids gently parted. 

"Morning pretty girl" I whispered tenderly into her ear, as she smiled and snuggled her body closer to mine. 

"Morning you" she answered, before turning her head and planting her perfectly parted lips against mine. It was all I could ever wish for to wake up beside Brooke Davis. To feel her warmth against my body, and smell her scent in the air "So, what do you want to do today?" 

"Errrm…" I pretended to think for a second, all the while knowing exactly what I wanted to do "How about this?…" I laid over her, and again sent kisses up and down her neck, this time each one becoming more passionate "…Or, maybe this?" my kisses moved up to the back of her ear, the side of her cheek, before eventually nearing her lips but before I could get to the final destination of my journey she placed her finger tips over my mouth 

"I'd rather just go shopping…" she smiled playfully before giggling at my gullible expression. I looked at her for a moment. I took just a moment to take it all in. Her silky brunette hair, her sparkling hazel/green eyes, her trademark dimpled cheeks. The way she kinked her eyebrow when she wanted me to give in to her, the way she stuck her tongue out slightly when I made her laugh, the way her eyes locked with mine just long enough to make me want to kiss her. The way she made me a better person "What?-" she asked with a little confusion after all I could do was stare at her 

"Nothing…" I replied still with my eyes fixated on hers "I was just thinking how I'd ever cope if I were to lose y-" 

She interrupted me before I could finish "You never will" she answered before running her fingertips round the back of my neck and pulling me down to meet her lips

**As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone.**

I then awoke in reality to find the empty space next to me. The space Brooke's body still filled in my head, in my dreams. Some would think it was an hallucination, dreaming so realistically that Brooke was still here, making myself believe that the thoughts that had just ran through my head were actually real. Me, I just think of it as hope. Not of hoping that Brooke will eventually come back to me, but of just hoping for a better time. I gazed over to the vacant space I'd just imagined Brooke in, and spotted a small white feather on the pillow. I watched the gentleness, the elegance of it as it moved in the light breeze coming from the open window. The gentleness, the elegance that reminded me of her. Maybe it was a sign that somewhere, somehow she was still here watching over me, or maybe it was just me kidding myself. I reached over and took the feather, before opening my drawer and grabbing the box that held my HCM medication and the red feather that I'd secretly held close to my heart for the past twelve years. I placed the feather into the box and put the box back into my drawer. I then leant over the side of the bed and grabbed my laptop from off of the floor. I opened it up, turned it on and brought up a word document. The word document I was suppose to have started my book on months ago. And, without another thought I just wrote. I wrote about her. The way she made me feel. The way I felt without her. The way I loved her undeniably.

_It was the day that my writing career would take off. I had a meeting with the publishing company that had offered me a book deal and I was running late. Really late. I ran through to the living area, panic the only thing on my mind. And, then I saw her, sat at the breakfast counter eating cereal and reading what was probably the latest edition of Vogue. She was the opposite to me, relaxed and stress-free. She was always the opposite to me. In more ways than one._

_  
"Shirts hung up in the hall, shoes are by the door and you cell is on the counter…" she informed me without looking up from her magazine  
_

"_What would I do without you?" I said, quickly kissing her on the cheek before grabbing my shirt and putting it on.  
_

"_You'd be a sad, sad, little man" she joked, before putting her cereal bowl into the dishwasher and stopping to help do up my tie. Something I had never got the knack of. And, something she knew how to do perfectly.  
_

"_Thanks" I said, after she'd finished "Alright, here we go…" I stood in front of her, a little nervous at how I was going to handle my one chance at getting a book deal  
_

"_Good luck honey…" she told me, before planting a kiss on my cheek and looking at me with a hopeful expression. She'd always been hopeful for anything I'd ever wanted to do. I then put my jacket on and headed out the door. Half way down the driveway I realised that I'd forgotten my laptop so I made my way back into the house, were I saw Brooke standing dead in front of me with my laptop in her hand. I took it off her and smiled before beginning to make my way back out of the front door "Oh Luke, did you take your medication?" she asked with a motherly tone  
_

"_Yes…mom" I joked with a cheeky grin  
_

"_Get your scrawny ass outta here before I beat you" she raised her hand up as she played along with my light-heartedness_

**Tennessee Williams once wrote; When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.**

I watched them from afar. The sea of black surrounding a small hole in the ground. I'd been standing here for what felt like a lifetime. I hadn't dared to move any closer. I couldn't to grieve for her. I couldn't mourn her loss. I couldn't say goodbye. I couldn't do what they were doing. As I neared the large crowd of sadness, one by one I saw heads turn to face me, until eventually every eye was on me. Waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me do something. Slowly, I made my way through the crowd and stood beside the dark mahogany box that held all of my broken heartedness, all of my shattered dreams. As the vicar continued with the words I just couldn't seem to focus on I felt Haley's fingers intertwine with mine, and Nathan's hand rest reassuringly on my shoulder, whilst Peyton gently linked her arm with mine. I understood now. I _had_ to grieve for her. I _had_ to mourn her loss. I _had_ to say goodbye. I stared down into the deep hole that just seemed to get deeper and deeper as time kept moving on. I was so wrapped up in my pain, in my regret that I didn't even notice each one of my friends move forward and throw a hand full of soil onto the top of the coffin, just like I didn't notice the vicar gesturing at me to do the same, until Haley softly nudged me forward. But, instead of doing as they'd done, I reached into my inside pocket and pulled out the red feather I'd come face to face with that morning. The red feather that had given me so much hope. So much belief and faith. I placed it on top of the shiny wooden surface, and couldn't help but let a million memories rush through my head. The first time we met. The first date we had. Our first kiss, first fight, first time. Our last kiss, our last fight, our last time. I stepped back into my original position and took a deep breath as I finally let the hurt _hurt_. As I finally stopped shutting the pain out.

**There was silence as two men covered my dreams over with soil.  
Denial.  
Anger.  
Fear.  
Guilt.  
Depression.  
**_**Acceptance.**_**  
A single, but agonising tear escaped my eye. And, just as quick as it had fallen, I had wiped it away, knowing full well that there would be many more to follow. This was my goodbye. Goodbye for now.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm gonna have to stop writing about all this sadness lol Anyways, thankyou so much for your guys' support with everything, I really do appreciate it. And, please comment on this chapter, I think its my fave so far so I'd like to know what you guys think too. I took some of the voiceovers from the show coz I thought they fitted in really well with what I was trying to say lol anyways COMMENTSLOVE! lololol  
Sophia x


	9. No Regrets

**CHAPTER NINE - No Regrets**

**Regret; [1 A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone. [2 A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.  
Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we let ourselves get lost in thoughts we know are going to cause us pain.**

Everyone had gathered at my moms house after the funeral. I'd never seen so many people in one space. But, yet, somehow, I'd never felt so alone. I'd had to get away from the sympathetic smiles, each one becoming more remorseful than the last. I'd ended up in the doorway of my old room. My eyes fixated on that box. I took her cardboard box down from on top of the wardrobe. The same cardboard box that had caught my eye and my heart a couple of days back. The same cardboard box I'd not dared to let catch my attention since I'd sealed it many years ago. I pulled on my tie, as I felt the air hitch in my throat and the ability to breath became harder as I came face to face with its contents. Every memory we'd ever shared was sitting right in front of me. Every argument, every conversation, every kiss, hug, and 'I love you'. Every hurtful word, steely gaze and 'I hate you'. Every moment that had lead to this point rushed through my head… 

"_That tattoo is very, very sexy"_  
_"I give a rats ass about you too" _  
_"People who are meant to be together always find there way in the end"_  
_"I'm crazy about your son, and I hope that's enough for you"_  
_"How could you cheat on me with my best friend??!!"_  
_"I barely even knew her last year and now I cant imagine life around here without her"_  
_"You know you look amazing, right?"_  
_"Don't worry, Karen. Were just friends, nothing more"_  
_"If I ever got a second chance I'd never let you go again"_  
_"I'm the one for you Brooke Davis, you'll see"_  
_"I wanted you to fight for me. To say that you would rather be alone than without me"_  
_"This is how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you"_  
_"I love you too pretty girl"_  
_"If you want to know why I love you, I can go on all night"_  
_"Sleeping with Chris Keller…it's a pretty skanky move, Brooke"_  
_"And, why wont you just let me all the way in?!"_  
_"It never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of that I stopped missing you"_  
_"We'll just have to wait and see"_   
_"Me and Peyton, were done. And, for the first time in my life I'm seeing things clearly. Its always been you Brooke"_   
_"Well, I don't like the hair…the jacket does not suit your colouring and don't even get me started on those pants"_   
_"Hey. Wait a minute, that was totally different. I did those things because I was in love with you"_  
_"Lucas!! It's Dan, he's got a gun!"_  
_"Dan Scott abandoned my mother, shot my friend and made everyone's life a living hell"_   
_"I cant live without her, Nate"_  
_"I need to find Dan before they do, I need to find out why he did it"_

**Some are bigger like when you let down a friend.**

"Hi" a voice broke me from my thoughts of Brooke. I looked up to see Peyton standing in the doorway. She gently sat down beside me and I saw her eyes scan my memories with Brooke which I'd spread out across my bed. Memories made up of photos, video tapes, her letters that had let me into her heart, notes that seemed so meaningless at the time they were written but held so much meaning now, egg shells from the numerous times she'd made me breakfast in bed, gifts she'd bought me. To know that Brooke and I weren't going to have a future was something that was tearing me up inside. To know that I'd never add anything to this box again was what was hurting me most.

I turned to face Peyton after a few peaceful moments of silence "I let you down…" I whispered just loud enough for her to hear "I let you all down…" 

Peyton shook her head from side to side "We all let each other down, Lucas" she reassured me "Were all dealing with Brooke's death differently…" her voice began to waver as sadness took over once again "But, were all dealing with it alone. And, we shouldn't" 

I nodded in agreement. She was right. We had to stick together "…I'm sorry" I apologised "For the way I've acted, for the things I said" 

"Me too…" she replied genuinely before picking up one of the photos of me, Brooke and her "I miss her so much, Luke" she choked back the tears "I just keep expecting her to run into my room on a Saturday morning and demand that we go shopping, or call me up and whine that you've ate all the ice cream" she laughed a bittersweet laugh as the first of many tears made there way down her cheeks "I mean who am I gonna turn to when I've got a problem? who's gonna make me laugh when I want so badly to cry?…" her tears became faster and faster as the seconds past "Who's gonna be my best friend, Luke?" I didn't have an answer for Peyton. But, somehow I already knew that she didn't want an answer. She knew that there wasn't one. So, I took her into my arms and let her cry on my shoulder.

For a long time it'd been the three of us. Me, Brooke and Peyton. For better, or worse. We'd survived everything together. And, now that Brooke was gone we couldn't have felt more lost. But, at least now we were lost together "I just, I cant believe I'm never gonna see her again…" she wept as I parted my body with hers and couldn't help but let my eyes fixate on a photo of me and Brooke on the bed.

I picked up and brought it closer to my face as I shut my eyes tight, not wanting the pain to take over me "What were we ever thinking, Peyton?" I said under my breath "Me and you, we were never meant to be. So why did we waste time trying to make things work?" I asked, feeling a little awkward at the subject of the dreaded love triangle the three of us had agreed to bury years ago 

Peyton looked down at the photo I had clasped in my hand "I guess we didn't know how precious time would turn out to be…" she answered

_I waited until the guy had walked away from the small table she was sitting at. I'd made the excuse that I'd needed to use the bathroom, when in actual fact I couldn't bear to listen to him hit on her much longer. Brooke would always get a lot of male attention when we'd go to clubs, and Haley would always tease me about my jealousy on the matter. Tonight was no different.  
_

"_Hey, what have you got there?" I asked, handing her a glass of white wine and glancing down at the pile of napkins she had in her hands  
_

"_Oh, just some boys gave me there numbers…" she smiled before handing me the napkins, a different name and number scrolled on each one  
_

"_Wow, that's a whole lotta guys!" I replied, my eyes surveying the thickness of the pile "They obviously haven't seen you at the crack of dawn" I tried to make the situation into a joke but deep down I was jealous as hell  
_

"_Actually some of them may have done…" she smiled mischievously, whilst I looked at her with a disapproving look "I'm kidding!" she laughed before taking a sip from her glass  
_

"_Let' me see if I approve of any of these clowns" I began taking a closer look at them "This guy dated four girls at once…" I informed her of the truth before discarding the tissue "This guy is constantly tryna start fights…" I discarded another onto the table "And, this guy is in high school…I teach him basketball" I said with raised eyebrows before continuing to search through them "Nope, no, no" I threw more down onto the table "Pass, pass, double-pass" I continued until they were all gone, letting jealousy get the better of me slightly  
_

"_Well, what's wrong with those?" she protested a little as she began collecting the napkins together  
_

"_Nothing major…" I replied, desperately racking my brains for the rest of my sentence "You know, there just not…there just not really good enough for you" I replied, with a little embarrassment before taking a swig from my beer bottle  
_

_She smiled just enough for the dimples to show in her cheeks "Then how about you pick out a guy that is" she challenged me in her trademark raspy voice, maybe with some curiosity to whether I was going to pick myself out as being good enough for her. Sure, I wanted to tell her right there and then that I loved her, that I wanted to be with her. But, that still didn't mean that I was good enough for her. Id never been good enough for her.  
_

"_No one will ever be good enough for you, Brooke" I didn't look her in the eye as I spoke, through fear of her figuring out the real reason behind my over-protective behaviour "Not in my eyes anyway"  
_

"_Thank you, Lucas" she told me genuinely and in that split second her hazel/green eyes seemed to fill with wonder, hope, even love. This was my chance. My chance to tell her how I really felt. My chance to kiss her. To be with her. My chance to make all my dreams come true. But, just as quickly as the moment had appeared, it had passed. It had gone. Maybe forever._

**Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. And, some of us get lost in the regret of the wrong choices we made.**

I'd had to get out of my moms house. I'd had to get away from the grief and pain. But, everywhere I went it just seemed to follow. I'd walked and walked until eventually I'd ended up on the roof of the café. I wasn't there to throw myself off the top of it, although it had crossed my mind. I didn't really know what I was there for, but somehow when I saw Haley sitting there too, I knew we where here for the same thing. To get back a little hope. I walked slowly over to her and sat beside her. She didn't say anything. She didn't have too. She handed me my tin of predictions, whilst she held hers, unopened, in her hands 

"I don't think either of us predicted this" she said quietly, before turning to me and taking my hand into hers 

I took a deep breath and nodded before opening my tin up and unfolding the mass of paper inside. Somewhere deep down inside, I'd thought that this may make me feel better but reading number one on my list proved otherwise "Try _again_ with Brooke" I exhaled loudly and rubbed my temple, knowing that that had been number one on my list for the past ten years and now it was too late to do anything about it. I tried to shrug it off by turning to Haley and urging her to read her first one out 

She sighed on seeing what she'd written "…Be happy" she said quietly with a little irony in her voice. It looked like neither mine or her predictions had come true this year 

"I should have told her that I loved her" I folded the piece of paper and put it back into the tin, not wanting to be reminded of the many things I didn't do "I should have kissed her just once more, I should have held her in my arms just that little bit longer…that little bit tighter" I told Haley through gritted teeth "If I would have just asked her to be with me, to marry me, to let me make her happy" my voice became more passionate with every word that passed my lips "If I would have just fought that little bit harder…" I stood up and ran my hand over the top of my head "I just keep thinking about the things I never got to say, things I never got to do…" I turned to face Haley, her tragic expression leaving an everlasting imprint in my mind "It's eating me up inside, Hales" 

She looked up, her eyes bulging with tears "And, what about the things you did say, the things you did do?" Haley asked, not bothering to wipe away the tears "The embarrassing speeches you gave? the million times you told her you loved her? the kisses you shared?" she listed the good things that I'd had with Brooke 

I thought for a second about Haley's words "…I wouldn't take them back for the world" 

"You gave her everything she ever wanted, when you gave her yourself, Luke" she stood up and walked over to me before wiping away the few beads of water that had made there way down my cheeks "We don't need to be reminded of the things we didn't do…" she told me, putting the predictions tins back into the wall "We just need to remember the things we did do" she reassured me, before letting her thin body fall into mine. Both of us needing a friend. Both of us needing the memory of Brooke.

**But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did - but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've saved someone that we care about. Things we didn't do that could've saved ourselves.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hope you like the new chapter. And, I just wanna clear up any confusion there might be with the small, choppy flashbacks at the start...I added some of my own in, like things that havnt happened in the show, or in this story yet...its just to fill in some gaps really. Thanks for all the comments for the last chapter...to the person that asked if the last chapter was the end of the story, it isnt haha I think there's 14 chapters in total, so we've still got a way to go yet lol the next chapters include A LOT of drama, and some extra special BL stuff. Please comment.

Sophia x 


	10. When Darkness Takes You

AUTHORS NOTE - PLEASE READ

Ok, so I'm gonna post chapter 10 right now. But, I just wanna give you a quick note before I do. In one scene there is a flashback within a flashback. If you get what I mean? lol. Ok, well the original flashback is in italics (as always) and the flashback within that flashback, I have just stated with the word flashback in italics...  
Ok, so I've just read this back and its sounds really confusing but I'm sure you'll understand when reading the chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it! 

Sophia x

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**CHAPTER TEN - When Darkness Takes You**

**Its hard to wake up knowing the darkness that awaits you. It sometimes makes it impossible to wake up at all. But, when you wake up to that tiny bit of light, that tiny bit of hope, expecting darkness. That's when you know things are getting that little bit better. That little bit easier.**

I thought I'd got the worst day of my life out of the way. I was actually starting to see a slight window of opportunity to dig myself out of the hole I'd let myself fall into. But, when Andy called me up that morning and told me to meet him at a café on the river walk, I knew things were about to get a whole lot worse before they could possibly get any better. I walked down the decking towards the long row of café's and restaurants, the sea breeze swirling around me. The sea breeze giving me some clarity. I spotted Andy sitting at an outdoor table, I made my way towards him and seated myself opposite him. 

Without saying a word, Andy handed me a brown envelope "Everything you need to know is in there…" he told me unwillingly "He's staying in some motel a few hundred miles away…" he informed me quietly "But, if you want to get to him before the police do…if you really have too-" he said the latter through gritted teeth "Then you'll have to be quick, the police are going down there later today" 

I surveyed the envelope and looked back up towards Andy "Why are you doing this for me, Andy?" I asked, knowing that others had done everything they could to stop me from putting myself in any danger. Why was he any different? 

"Because you need a chance to do the right thing…to do the right thing for yourself" he replied "And, I believe this is your chance" 

I paused for a second, whilst I thought about his words "But, how are you so sure I'll do the right thing?" I questioned once more, not even sure if I was going to be strong enough to do the right thing myself 

Andy finished up his coffee and grabbed his jacket before standing up "You'll do the right thing coz you've got Brooke watching over you. And, that's how I know your in safe hands…" he began to walk past me but stopped and rested his hand on my shoulder "Good luck, Lucas" he said, before walking away and back down the river walk I'd just appeared from. Was Andy right? Was this my chance to prove myself? Was this my chance to make Brooke proud? Or was it my chance to get revenge? Was it my chance to put things right?

_We'd gotten our ten year Tree Hill High reunion invites through that morning. And, after a lot of un-enthusiasm, on my part, I'd actually agreed to go shopping with Brooke. She'd made a pretty convincing argument, telling me I needed to be there to tell her what looked 'cute'.  
_

_I glanced down at my watch to find that I'd been waiting for her to finish trying dresses on for the last half an hour. Though, it seemed a lot longer "What are you doing in there?" I moaned through the curtain that separated me and her  
_

"_Wouldn't you like to know?" she joked back mischievously, whilst I rolled my eyes and smiled "Hey, Luke?" she said, after a lot of rustling and groaning "Will you go ask the assistant if she has a thong to match this-" she stopped mid sentence as she squirmed around behind the curtain "To match this bra…" she handed me the bra she'd just taken off with a smile  
_

"_Your kidding right?" I replied with a frown, but knew that she wasn't by the un-phased expression on her face "Why cant you do it?" I argued  
_

"_Errm, in case you haven't noticed I'm braless…" she pulled the curtain around her tightly "And, unless you want me to walk through there with my boobs out-" she stopped talking on seeing my hopeful expression before nudging me in the stomach playfully and shoving the bra into my hands  
_

"_Have you at least decided on the dress yet?" I questioned, trying to change the subject from women's underwear  
_

"_Oh, yeah" she answered like it was obvious  
_

"_Well, do I get to see it?" I leant against the side of the changing room cubicle that she was in as I spoke  
_

_She sighed with exhaustion and snatched the bra back out of my hands "Hang on" she replied before closing the curtain  
_

"_I know I say this a lot, but remind me never to come shopping with-" I stopped mid-sentence as the curtain flew back open to reveal Brooke dressed in a long stunning emerald green dress. I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping to the floor. I couldn't take my eyes off of her "You look…" I searched for words as my eyes didn't leave her body "I mean, that dress…" I still stuttered "That body…" what I wanted to say just couldn't seem to leave my lips  
_

"_Well, I hope the end of these sentences are good?" she smiled before walking out of the changing room and facing the mirror "Will you do me up?" she asked, lifting her hair in the air to reveal a hidden zip. I moved in close to her. Her scent sending whirls of excitement through my body, before doing up the back of her dress and standing behind her as we both looked into the mirror. Her admiring the dress. Me admiring her "This is the one" she said, excitedly  
_

"_It sure is" I replied, my eyes still fixated on her. She was the one. The only one.  
_

_She then clapped her hands together, joyfully before hugging me "Thanks for coming with me, honey…and thanks for lending me the money to buy it, I promise ill pay you back when I get paid" she informed me  
_

"_Yeah, well, I haven't seen the price tag yet" I joked with a smile  
_

"_You don't wanna" she replied bluntly. She then turned and shot me a small, cute smile before kicking up her heel and closing the changing room curtain behind her._

**I hadn't told anyone where I was going. Or that I was even going anywhere. I'd just got in my car and drove. With only one destination; Harry Grey's Motel. And only one goal; to find Dan.**

My thoughts should have been on the road ahead. Literally. Figuratively. But, all I could seem to think about was what I was going to when I got to Dan. How I was going to react when coming face to face with him. I didn't know if I'd have the strength to walk away from him. Or even the strength to make him pay for his crime. But, one thing I did know was that I needed to know why. That, I would have the strength to find. It'd rained everyday since Brooke had died. It'd been the worst weather in years. And, today was no different. The huge rain drops thudded down onto the windsheild of the car. Not a ray of sunshine in sight. Not the colours of the rainbow appearing every time the rain would die down. Darkness once again surrounded me. In more ways than one. I turned on the radio to hear Breathe Me by Sia. I sighed to myself. Knowing what the song meant to me. The memories it held.

_I smiled at her as she sat in the passengers seat. Her eyes shining in the sunlight as she looked down at the purchase she'd just made. Or rather, the purchase I'd just made. And, then there it was. Blazing out of the car stereo. Breathe Me by Sia. I glanced quickly towards her, wondering whether she remembered. And, as I saw her body flinch and her eyes wonder, I knew that she did. Knowing that she probably wouldn't want to be reminded of what memories the song held I went to turn it over but before I could she placed her hand over mine and shook her head in my direction  
"Leave it" she whispered "It's about time we talked about this" she continued confidently but I could still sense the awkwardness "It has been ten years"_

_(flashback)_

_I watched as she sat alone on the beach. The midnight sky surrounding her. And, the subtle moonlight highlighting her soft skin. I'd been stupid. I'd been unbelievably stupid. Unforgivably stupid. I'd always been one to realise what I'd had only when it was gone. And, now was no different. I forgot about the rowdiness coming from my friends. And, the random people that congratulated me on graduating as I stood on the veranda of Dan's beach house. All I could focus on was her. And, her earlier confession that she was leaving for New York in a couple of days to pursue her fashion career. On hearing those words everything had changed. I'd broken up with Peyton a few days ago. Not because Brooke was leaving. But, because I wasn't in love with her. Not like I was with Brooke. I realised that now. Only when it was too late. Or was it?  
_

"_Hi…" I whispered, sitting down beside her  
_

"_Hey Luke" she tried to seem cheerful but I knew she'd been crying. I knew she was upset.  
_

"_Your freezing…" I looked worried as she shivered and I ran my hand over her skin to try and warm her up "Here.." I said, putting my jacket over her shoulders  
_

"_Thanks" she smiled, before looking back out into the ocean  
_

_For a long while there was silence. It wasn't awkward. Or unpleasant. It was just what it was. Nothing more. Nothing less "So, we haven't spoken much lately…" she said "What's new with you?"  
_

_Just as quick as she'd finished her sentence I had started mine "Me and Peyton broke up" I replied, and immediately saw the shock upon her face. And, just as I was about to declare my love for her. Again. Breathe Me by Sia came blasting from the beach house "Were done. And, for the first time in my life I'm seeing things clearly…" I turned my body to face her "Its always been you, Brooke" my eyes didn't leave hers. Not for a second. My words had never been more true. My love had never been so pure. I was confused before. But, not anymore. Brooke was the one for me. And, even if I couldn't have her. I still didn't want anyone else. And never would "I know you have no reason to believe me, and I know I'm asking for way too much…" I took her hand into mine "But, if you give me your heart one last time, if you give me all of you just once more…" I swallowed hard as fear took over me "I promise you'll get just as much, and more in return"  
_

_She shook her head slowly and took her hand from out of mine "What about Peyton?" she asked, with just as much confusion as she'd had the other two times I'd given this speech  
_

"_I thought that I could love her like I loved you, Brooke. I thought I could forget my feelings for you by being with her. I thought I could get over you, like you got over me…I thought wrong" my words became more and more passionate, as I sensed the fear, and shock oozing from her body  
_

"_I'm not over you, Lucas" she replied, given me some hope, some belief "I never was, and probably never will be" she looked down at the sand before looking back up into my eyes "I ended things between us coz I needed to find out if you and Peyton were meant to be, I needed to be sure once and for all" she informed, getting increasingly upset. And, just as I saw her lips near mine, just as I felt my dreams coming true, my love being returned, she backed away and stood up "God, I prayed every night for you to come back to me…" she ran her fingers through her long brunette hair "So many times I imagined you'd say these words to me" I stood up too so that we were once again face to face. I caught her glancing back towards the beach house, and turned to see what she was looking at. There was Peyton. Standing on the varanda. Too far away to hear mine and Brooke's words. But, near enough to know what was going on between the two of us "I imagined this moment so many times before…" she took a deep breath "But, not once…not once did I imagine" she stuttered as she choked out a few tears "Not once did I imagine it ending like this"  
_

"_Like what, Brooke?" I asked with a worried tone. I couldn't lose her. Not again.  
_

"_I cant do it again. I cant get sucked into a world where its either you or her, but not both" she seemed regretful as bit by bit she broke my heart "I want to be with you so much, Lucas Scott" she put her hands on my chest forcefully "But, I need to be with Peyton. I need her. She needs me. That's more important right now" she then kissed me on the cheek before turning her back to me and slowly walking out of my life  
_

"_I'll wait forever if I have too" I shouted after her, but all she could was send me a reassuring look like maybe one day we would be able to be together. Like maybe one day all our dreams would be realised._

_(end flashback)_

_I looked over at her. Knowing that we hadn't spoke of that day, of that moment since it had happened, and thats what made it that little bit harder to speak of it now "Are you still willing to do that?" she asked, without any eye contact  
_

"_To do what?" I replied with some confusion  
_

_She exhaled loudly like whatever she was about to say scared her "To wait forever?" I felt her eyes scan my expression from the passengers seat. Did Brooke actually know that I'd loved her all this time? Was this her way of telling me she felt the same way?  
_

_My eyes narrowed as I thought hard about her words, and how much I was willing to give away "For you…yeah" I replied as my expression softened  
_

"_I think forever's lasted long enough…" she nodded cautiously like there was still some awkwardness in her words. Like it was still hard for her to say "So, whenever you decide to say those words you said to me back then on that beach…" she told me under her breath just loud enough for me to hear over the song that had brought back these memories "I promise you'll get the answer you want" her eyes connected with mine for a split second before we both turned back to the road. Me thinking of a more perfect time to declare my feelings to her. And, her wondering when that time would be._

**I saw the bend in the wall in front of me. I processed the image in my head. I sent the warning to by body. But, still my foot didn't hit the break. Still my hands didn't turn the sterring wheel. And, before I knew it all I could see was black. All I could see was darkness.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hope you guys understood that lol. Its hard to know how complicated things are when you've actually written them yourself. lol. Thanks you guys for the last comments. And, please tell me what you think to this chapter.

Soph x 


	11. Open Your Eyes

**CHAPTER ELEVEN - Open Your Eyes**

**In the first stages of grief it is said that it can be difficult to distinguish between dream and reality. It is said that it is possible for your mind to create fantasy in order to ignore the actuality of a situation.**

I listened as my mom cried herself to sleep at my bedside, but I couldn't throw my arms around her. I felt the sadness come from my brother when he begged me to wake up, but I just couldn't seem to open my eyes no matter how hard I tried. I heard Peyton pray for me to get better but I couldn't reassure her that I would. I felt Haley tightly clasp my hand but I couldn't move my figners enough to intertwine with hers. I didn't know if I was dead or alive. But, I hadn't known that since I'd lost Brooke.

"He still not awake yet?" I heard Haley enter the room, and walk towards my beside before kissing my cheek lightly

"No, but he will" my mom answered as her grip around my left hand became firmer "My boy's always been stubborn…he just needs time" my mom reassured Haley. I did need time. Not time to heal from my accident. But, time to work out whether it was actually worth waking up. Brooke was gone. And, the police had probably already got to Dan by now, so I'd never get the answers I needed so badly. Was there anything left to live for? that's what I had to take time to work out.

"Do you think he'll ever get over her?…_Brooke_, I mean" Haley talked to my mom across my bed

I felt silence sweep the room and my mom search for an answer _"Honestly…"_ she started her sentence with a deep breath "I don't think he'll ever fully let Brooke go. But, part of me doesn't ever want him too…" even though my eyes weren't open I felt her gaze upon me "She made him happier than I ever thought he could be. And, if ten years from now he can look back on what he had with Brooke and feel like he did then; then that's all I ask for him"

I felt Haley reach across to my mom, sensing exactly what I did; that she was thinking of Keith with every word she'd just spoken "Keith would be proud of you. You know that, right? The way you've raised Lucas. The way you've kept yourself together with everything that's happened-" she reasurrued my mom "I don't have a clue how you do it. But, in one way or another, you've saved us all"

"I _just_ cant manage to save my own son when it really counts" she choked out a few tears

Haley ran her fingers through my hair "He needs to save himself" she whispered with a determined tone

I then heard a knock on the door "Hey…" came Jake's voice from the corner of the room before the others greeted him

"I'm gonna go get a coffee" my mom made an excuse to leave the room through fear of Haley and Jake realising how upset she was getting. That I knew.

"I'll come with you" Haley answered, clearly knowing what I knew. They both exited leaving me and Jake alone in the room. I heard his footsteps come towards me and him drag the chair across the tiled floor nearer my bedside

"So, we havnt had chance to talk lately, just you and me" he began conversation like I wasn't even in a coma. Like I was awake "I don't know if you can hear me, Luke…but well, I left my wallet and briefcase in your car and after the accident the police brought them round to my house, and well…" he began to stutter "Well-" he paused, and I knew exactly what was coming "There was a gun in my briefcase, Luke" he revealed, worriedly "…Andy told us that you where going to find Dan, and I don't know I just figured-" he stuttered cautiously once again "I just hope you weren't planning on doing anything stupid" his words now flowed more comfortably "…The police lost Dan again. But, I know they'll find him, and I know that he'll get what he deserves out of all this. You don't have to put yourself in danger, just let the police do there job" 

**I couldn't believe the police hadn't got to Dan yet. I couldn't believe I still had a chance to get to him first. I couldn't waste anymore time. I couldn't let him get away with it. I needed to wake up. After three days of being in a coma, I needed to open my eyes. I just didn't know how. I needed her to help me. I needed her now, more than ever before.**

There was silence. Not an awkward silence, or unpleasant silence. The kind of silence I felt when I was around Brooke. The kind of silence that made me feel safe. That made me feel content. I'd been unable to open my eyes now for five days. Unable to move. To talk. To help bring justice to Dan Scott. It was getting harder with everyday that past. And, everyday I'd pray to speak to Brooke, to touch her, to just see her. And, everyday my prayer would go unanswered. But, today was different. Today the sun shined. The sun shined like it did when she was still here. And, somehow, somewhere I felt her presence. I felt the happiness I did when I was around her, when I spoke of her.

_I walked into the house my brother shared his wife. I walked right in without knocking. Without warning. All that was on my mind was speaking to Nathan, was telling him what had just happened with me and Brooke._

_  
"I'm gonna do it" I said, sitting on a stool opposite him at the kitchen counter_

_  
"Do what?" he didn't look up from the newspaper he was reading to answer me  
_

"_I'm gonna tell Brooke I love her" I couldn't help but be excited, and I couldn't refrain from letting that excitement show  
_

_Nathan virtually choked on his breakfast. Now I'd gained his attention "What?!" he looked shocked at my revelation  
_

"_She practically just told me that she felt the same why I do" I answered, whilst grabbing a soda from Nathan's fridge _

_  
"Define 'practically'?" he asked with disbelief, possibly wondering if I'd just got the wrong end of the stick  
_

"_We were talking about what happened on the night of graduation, and she just said that whenever I was ready to tell her how I really felt, that I'd get the answer I want this time" I said, all in one breath  
_

"_Then why didn't you tell her right there and then?" Nathan closed his paper as he spoke  
_

"_You think I'm gonna wait ten years and then just blurt it out on some random car ride?…" I told him with some sarcasm "I want it to be perfect. I want her to know its for real this time" I explained "And, where better to tell the woman I love my feelings for her?-" I didn't wait for Nathan's answer before continuing "The place I fell in love with her to begin with" Nathan looked confused at my failure to get right to the point "…The high school…at the reunion" I smiled as I spoke  
_

"_Well, its about time, man" Nathan laughed, before patting me on the back. I'd never wanted something more in my life. And, now it was within my grasp. I had to make this moment perfect. I had to make it so perfect we'd both remember it for the rest of our lives._

I didn't hear the door open. Even with the silence, I didn't hear footsteps coming towards me. But, somebody was there. Somebody was sitting beside me. That somebody was her. I couldn't see her. Or hear her. But, I felt her there. I felt her soft skin against mine. Her warm breath on the back of my neck. Her small frame pressed against body. Not for a second did I wonder if I was dreaming. If this was some kind of illusion or fantasy. This was real. This was as real as it had been the first day we met, the day we said goodbye. To feel her breath travel to the back of my ear lobe was like pure ecstasy. And, that's when I heard it. That's when I heard her.

"Your answers lye with me, Lucas" for that second her raspy tone comforted my mind and my heart "Your just not looking hard enough" 

The words were as clear as anything, as clear as my love for her.

**I felt her lips touch mine.**  
**Her fingers through my hair.**  
**Her hand on my heart.**  
**And, then as a gentle breeze took away the stillness in the room…**  
**It took away her too.**  
**My eyes opened.**  
**My heart healed.**  
**And, my faith was renewed**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter? anything you did or didnt like? ...I'm gonna give you a little spoiler for the upcoming chapters now so if you dont wanna no look away NOW!

Lucas, in one form or another, will see Brooke again. See if you guys can work that one out lol

Love you guys!  
Sophia x


	12. Place Of Dreams, Love And Tragedy

**CHAPTER TWELEVE - Place Of Dreams, Love And Tragedy**

**I awoke to chaos. I awoke to pain. I awoke to a world without Brooke. A world I didn't want to be part of. But, she'd been the one to send me back to this world I'd become so scared of. She'd sent me back for a reason. A reason I wasn't yet aware of. But, a reason I'd do everything I could to find.**

My mom and friends entered the room. Relief present on there faces, but only pain visible on mine. One by one they welcomed me back. They welcomed me back, like I'd been away. But, I hadn't been away. I'd been there with them all along. And, Brooke had been there too.

"Thank god your ok" my mom ran across the room and threw her arms around me in despair "I was so worried" 

I cleared my throat gently "Brooke…" I said, not wondering where she was or if I'd been dreaming but just wanting to let the others know that there was something more than what they'd all been aware of "Brooke was here" I told them with much hope and happiness. But, my faith was damaged when I saw there blank expressions 

"Honey…" my mom clasped my hand tightly "Brooke is gone" she told me slowly like I was unable to understand her words whilst the others just looked at me with doubt noticeable within there eyes 

"No, you don't understand…" I stuttered, knowing exactly what they were thinking. That they were thinking I was crazy "She was here. Just a second ago" I explained but still got no reaction. No words. No specualtion "I saw her, ok. The sun was shining through the-" I trailed off mid-sentence as I looked out of the window to see dark clouds and rain thudding onto the glass window. The window I'd seen sun streaming through just seconds ago when Brooke had been here with me. 

Nathan glanced around the room, unsure of what to say before stepping forward "It's been raining all day, man. Just like it has been for the last month" he told me with unease 

"But, I felt her…" I said for my own benefit more than anyone's "I heard her…" my words became more and more passionate. I knew exactly what I'd seen. I knew exactly what I'd heard "Look, I know you think I'm crazy…" I glanced around at my friends discomfort at my revelation before turning to my mom "Mom, I swear…she told me that I wasn't looking hard enough. There's something else going on, ok? Something we don't know about" I convinced her the best I could 

My mom looked round at the others "The nurse said this might happen…" she talked about me like I wasn't even there "You just need to rest ok, honey" she turned back to face me as she spoke 

"No, I don't!" I began to get agitated "I need to get out of here…I need to find out whats really going on" I tried to ease myself out of bed, whilst the others crowded around my to stop me from leaving the room 

"There's nothing going on, Lucas" my mom whispered after I'd calmed down a little "Your just confused…you've been in a coma for five days" she patronised me without realising 

"I know, ok, mom. I heard Nate read the basketball scores out to me, I heard Andy tell you all that I'd been going to see Dan when I crashed…" I explained "I heard it all, and I heard Brooke too, ok?" I argued, but still they didn't believe me "I did!" I raised my voice but still failed to get a reaction "I did…" I said more quietly to myself as I laid back down in bed with not a bit of doubt in my mind about what I'd heard. I didn't know how Brooke had been there with me. I didn't know how she'd spoken to me. How she'd helped me to wake up. But, she had. I'd never been more sure of anything in my whole life.

_We'd been apart all day but all I could think about was her. And, apparently all she'd talked about was me, or so Haley had informed me by text message earlier on in the day. There was a certain spark between us since we'd discovered the others feelings. A spark that had always been there. But, one that just needed setting alight. There were times when we'd catch each others gaze and find it hard not to let a huge smile cross our lips. There were times when our skin would touch and we'd flinch as sparks of electricity ran through our bodies. There were times, many times, that we'd been close enough to kiss. Close enough to give in right there and then. But, the moment I'd waited for my whole life was going to be perfect. Nothing short of perfect. All I had to do was wait until the reunion and all my dreams would be realised. I'd have the woman I love.  
_

_I blew my whistle loudly and rolled my eyes as the cheerleaders began shrieking in the corner of the gymnasium "Ok, take five…" I informed the group of high-school basketball players that I'd had the responsibility of teaching ever since Whitey had retired  
_

"_Hey baby!" I heard the captain of the basketball team shout, before a few of the others began wolf whistling "You come here looking for a real man?!" he continued to yell but I ignored his behaviour. It wasn't like it was out of the ordinary for high-school jocks to act this way  
_

"_Yeah, your coach…" I heard her raspy voice coming from the door of the gym  
_

"_There is no way a chick like you is here for coach scott…" the captain of the basketball team complimented Brooke, but criticised me  
_

_I walked over to where Brooke had entered "And, why not?" I joked with the many guys that had gathered around Brooke since her arrival only seconds ago "Twenty laps…" I informed them before any of them could say another word "Get running…" I gestured them away, before turning my attention to Brooke "Hey!…" I said, cheerfully before hugging her "What are you doing here?"  
_

"_I had to drop the reunion RSVP's in and thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing?" she explained as we walked across the sidelines we'd walked across so many times during our own high-school days  
_

"_Teaching basketball to a bunch of hormone raged teenagers is hard enough… without having to do it on a Monday morning" I winced before sitting down next to her on the benches "I mean, look at that dumbass…" I directed my attention over to where one of the basketball guys had stopped running to hit on one of the cheerleaders "Hey Banks! You wanna flirt on your own time??" I yelled over to him with a light-hearted tone before smiling at his unphased reaction  
_

"_Could say the same about you and that hot brunette there coach!" he yelled back across the court with a grin  
_

"_See this is what I'm talking about…" I told Brooke "…All they're interested in is hitting on the cheerleaders"  
_

_Brooke raised her eyebrows at me in shock "Oh, and like you weren't the same…" she shot me a cheeky smile  
_

"_What?!" I pretended to be shocked but in reality I knew it was true "I went to practice to play ball, and nothing else…" I continued to play along  
_

"_Yeah, right…" she argued playfully "You were always checking out my cheerleaders"  
_

"_It was actually just one cheerleader I couldn't keep my eyes off…" I teased with a wink before taking a swig from my water bottle  
_

"_Oh yeah?…" she questioned, confident that I was talking about her. I was talking about her. But loved nothing more than to tease her. Than to make her smile. To make her roll her eyes. To make her laugh just enough so that she stuck her tongue through her teeth.  
_

"_Yeah…" I paused "…Bevin!" I joked, with a mischievous expression. One that made her laugh. That made the dimples in her cheeks appear. The dimples that mealted my heart.  
_

"_Shut your hole!" she nudged me in the stomach playfully before grabbing the bottle of water from my hands and taking a gulp from it herself_

**It'd been the longest, most excruciating wait of my life. It'd taken the doctors three days after I'd woken up to agree to discharge me. And, in those three days I'd had nothing else to do but think. Think about Brooke's words. And, about what they meant. I'd always known that were was something more. Something I wasn't seeing. And, now she'd just given me the push I'd needed to find it.**

The doctors had recommended resting. But, I didn't have time for rest. I only had time for her. I only had time to find out what really happened to her. Why it happened to her. I'd gone through a million different scenarios in my head. A million scenarios that couldn't possibly be true. I'd gone through each and every word spoken between me and Brooke before her death. Each and every word that didn't give me the answer I needed. I felt like I'd done everything I possibly could. Except for one thing. To go back to where it had all happened. To go back to the high school that had been the place I'd fallen in love with her. To go back to the high school that had been the place I'd watched her slip away before my very eyes. It wasn't going to be easy. That I knew. But, coming face to face with those doors that I'd watched police and paramedicts run through on the day that put my life into turmoil was harder than I'd ever imagined.

**I took the key that would help to unleash all sorts of pain from my pocket. The key that would unlock the door of the high school. The high school that hadn't been opened since the day of Brooke's death out of respect. The high school that had employeed me as a basketball coach, helped me to find the love of my life, and took away a part of my heart. This was the place of dreams, love and tragedy. The place I'd come to fear the most. I opened the door to a wave of emotion. But, nothing could have prepared me for who was standing in front of me. Nothing could prepare me for coming face to face with him. Keith's life had been taken in that school. Brooke's life had been taken in that school. And, now I couldn't promise that Dan's wouldn't be either.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Sorry for the long wait guys. I totally forgot I had more chapters to post for this fic. There is only a couple more left as you might guess, so drop me a comment and tell me what you think to this chapter.

Sophia xxx


	13. Please Read

**Author's Note --- Please Read**

**Ok, so I havnt updated this fic in like forever, and I really wish I could post the remaining chapters of this story but right now I'm unable too. The thing is, this fic's already done and dusted, and is posted on another site, and thats where I was copying and pasting the chapters from to post here but for some reason I cant find the fic over at the other site anymore, and I dont have any back-ups of the chapters because I've had to wipe my computer clean. So, thats why I havnt been updating. But, dont worry, one way or another I'm gonna finish this story for you guys. I'll either find the chapters, or try and write them again from memory...but either way its gonna take quite a while, so I hope you all understand, and can be patient.**

**Thanks for all the comments so far, they've been awesome.**

**Oh, and look out for a new fic I'm gonna be posting within the next few weeks called 'Apologize'. **

**Sophia x **


End file.
